Why do people quit, in homes and in church families? Whatever the reason for walking out or quitting, IT HURTS. In homes, everyone gets hurt. In church families, everyone gets hurt. This in itself should be a deterrent, but still in the USA, the divorce rate is still 50%, and in church families, well just look at the situation with congregations you know.
Now NOT ALL church families ‘divorce’, some happily grow and decide that they want to further their outreach by establishing another congregation across town. Praise God for this. They have learned, to accept each other, and that differences are ok. They have learned that opinions are just not worth a ‘fight’. They have learned to focus on the WHAT, that Jesus commands, instead of the HOW, that He does not specify.
THE WORLD IS LOST. Jesus weeps over this. However, too many have lost sight of this, and have gotten caught up in church family squabbles.
Another reason people quit… is the break down of COMMUNICATION. (There should be a loud AMEN to this.) Both in out homes, and church families, there should be great COMMUNICATION. People want to feel they are important, and their opinion counts. This does NOT mean they should expect to get their way. “People should have a say, but they cannot always have their way.”
Thus we come to the point that someone has to make a decision. Hopefully due to COMMUNICATION, the best decision will be made. “Two heads are better than one” and this is why there should always be a plurality of elders or leaders. This is why before one gets married or before a congregation selects leaders, good communication is in order, and must continue.
What causes COMMUNICATION to break down? Pride (“I am right all the time” “My way or the hi-way” idea.) Gossip (whether it be by email or by mouth), Lack of listening on the part of either ‘side’ (loss of objectivity), (openness), fear of sitting face to face and talking, hot tempers (impatience). There are other things I am sure that can be listed.
COMMUNICATION is invaluable to the survival of our homes and church family. COMMUNICATING is critical…
When COMMUNICATION breaks down what should we do? Well, first of all, look at ourselves. How have I contributed to the problem? Am I being proud, selfish, UNAPPROACHABLE BECAUSE OF MY TEMPER, afraid to sit and talk? Am I open to some other view point, and humble enough to accept the fact that I may not get my way? Do I walk out? Quit? Why?
Having done this, spend time in prayer, and try and gain proper perspective on the situation. With a humble spirit, just go and speak to the person, or people you need to.
1. Encourage people to say what’s on their mind.
2. Treat their opinions with respect.
3. Be open to these opinions (APPROACHABLE) and weigh them against the will of God, and pray about it.
4. Decide whether something is
a.) No Big Deal … compromise is ok
b.) A BIG deal… compromise may not be ok.
c.) Biblical, Un-Biblical, Non-Biblical
(Biblical: Good! follow scriptures.)
(UN BIBLICAL: Bad! follow the scriptures.)
(NON BIBLICAL: MAYBE! freedom to do what is best for us).
5. Be patient and remember, THINGS CHANGE…
6. Don’t be in a hurry…
All in all, we must always be careful to guard our lifeline, major life giving artery of being able and willing to have open and free, Christian communication. Being mindful of each others feelings. The idea, “We don’t need him/her”, has NO PART IN THE BODY OF CHRIST. Paul spoke about the body of Christ in I Cor. 12… “The eye cannot say to the hand, “I DON’T NEED YOU!”, And the head (leadership) cannot say to the feet, “I DON’T NEED YOU!” On the contrary, those parts which SEEM to be weaker are INDISPENSABLE…” vss 21-26.
“What would Jesus do?” This will answer all questions on communication. DON’T QUIT…