“MARRIAGE IS HONORABLE IN ALL AND THE BED IS UNDEFILED”
It all happened because of a flat tire. I was sitting in the waiting room while the tire was being repaired and rummaging through some magazines. One caught my eye. It was titled “Men’s Fitness”, and splashed on the front of the cover was a side item named, “10 WAYS TO GET ANY GIRL IN YOUR BED.”
The content was innocent enough and in a way rather foolish. Let me sum up the points that are listed. “Be Suave”. “Be shy.” “Be Classic.” “Be all about her.” “Be sickeningly sweet.” “Be nonchalant.” “Be playful.” “Be spontaneous.” “Be direct.” “Get the invite, if you’re looking for a quick post-sex escape.”
In the fall of 1975, I received a letter from a teenager. It became the DEDICATION of a book I later wrote entitled, “SEX – PERSON OR PERFORMANCE?” Here is the handwritten letter word for word.
Dear Brother Jack,
I’ve never discussed my not being a virgin with anyone except my very best friend. She doesn’t understand because she thinks sex is a laughing matter. I’m serious about sex because I’m not a virgin and haven’t been for almost a year and a half. I’m thirteen years old and really ashamed.
I enjoy sex very much and really haven’t the will-power to stop having it. It’s hard to refuse sex when you’re in a nice house with a nice bed and a guy that you think you are in love with.
Last summer I thought I was pregnant. I’ve only told two people, my best friend and the guy at the time I was dating. When I told him, he said it was my fault. I got myself into it and I could get myself out! I really thought I was in love with him, for he talked so nice and sweet before, but when this happened, he didn’t care about me even if I were carrying his child.
I am trying so hard to live the Christian life, but I feel ashamed and dirty because I’ve played the fool and not a virgin anymore. He took from me more than he could ever replace.
I need to talk with one who understands. Please send me some study materials that will help straighten out my thinking. Would you please put something on paper that kids like me could use in understanding life. You won’t remember me but I was one of the kids in one of your recent meetings. PLEASE HELP!” (signed)
When I received this letter I turned to my wife and said, “Dust off the typewriter.” She smiled and said, “Are you going to write a letter?” I said, “No, I’m going to write a book”.
These essays will use a different definition for the broad subject of SEX. Since our feelings, our attitudes and dispositions are based on the definitions of terms, it is absolutely vital that we understand the premise on which this columnist writes. IS SEX SOMETHING WE ARE OR IS IT SOMETHING WE DO?
If sex is something we are, then we are sexual all the time. If sex is nothing more than the movement of glands and the actions of the physical body, then one has to engage in sexual activities in order to BE SEXUAL. According to the letter, her definition of sex is a house, a bed and a guy and this IS WHAT LOVE IS ALL ABOUT.
To a dog, any dog will do! But we are not dogs. We have intelligence, made in the likeness of God with deep emotions and conscience.
The Apostle Paul writes to believers and said, “Flee fornication (sexual immorality). Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality (fornication) sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is in you, whom you have from God and you are not your own. For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit which are God’s” (I Corinthians 6:18-20).
Sexual performance by itself stands naked and barren. It is animal and without lasting relationships. It accepts one body just as readily as another, and cares nothing for deep treasures of the mind – just for fleeting feelings of the flesh.
The writer of Hebrews puts it this way, “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers (sellers of self and others) and adulterers God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4).
You are sexual. All parts of the body are sexual, from the top of your head to the incy-tincy toe that went to market. Sex is not what you do, it is what you are. Reverse that process and you have little more than lust that dominates the mind, and a physical urge that makes you little more than the expression of animal nature.
“Ten ways to get a girl in your bed?” How shallow and silly have we become. Shacking up is still shacking up. Living in is still just living in. The rule of thumb is still the believers badge – “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed is undefiled”.
Anything short of that is sin and that’s ‘risky business’.