There is a war going on quite literally in the Christian’s life. The struggle between the spirit and the flesh, light and darkness, good and evil. Every Christian experiences this struggle to some extent. Some grow weary along the way as the ‘pull of the dark side’ seems constant. Recalling the time when they first heard of Jesus and His sacrifice for sins of the world, surrendering to Him, and being born of “water and the Spirit” (John 3:3-5; Acts 2:37-39). Remembering the joy of realizing his sins are forgiven, and the debt is paid. Filled with hope and joy at this new beginning… HEAVEN BOUND, right?

Once there was a scientist who performed a ‘creepy’ experiment of joining a spider and a butterfly. The spider of course seeks for the dark corners to do it’s thing, while the butterfly longs to fly free. The tug of war is obviously a threat Which will ‘win’? Will the butterfly finally give up (die) and get dragged to the darkness, or will the spider give up (die) and trail along as the butterfly flies away into the sky. Which will overpower the other?

God help us, this is (my) struggle, and just maybe it’s yours.

Paul expresses something about this in Romans 7:21-25. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t. I want to soar into the blue sky but I cannot. There is a war going on. God help us, please. Of course, all the work, sacrifice, has been done. So why do I feel so lost? “O wretched man that I am! WHO will deliver me from this body if death?” Listen friend, it’s all about JESUS.

Now to my title text! Ephesians 4:17-24

“This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, (18) having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; (19) who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness to work all uncleanness with greediness.

B.T.D.T., simply put… “been there done that!”
Paul says, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, ” Romans 3:23. The hurt, shame, guilt? What is one who “knows better” to do? Giving up while being a temptation, is not an option. Prayer for forgiveness and depending on His love and grace provides a new start. “Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another that you can be healed. The effectual (effective) fervent (sincere, showing emotions) prayer of a righteous man (through the blood of Christ), avails (accomplishes) much.” James 5:16.

How could we live as Christians without HOPE (desire plus expectation)? Who can we turn to, if not to a “righteous man” to intercede for us? “Some things are better left unsaid,” but this is far better than “bottling things up.” FIND A RIGHTEOUS BROTHER (one who won’t blab on Facebook (anonymously) AND CONFESS AND HAVE HIM PRAY FOR YOU. “Burdens are lifted at Calvary.” Let a brother lead you there.

Avoid at all costs having a ‘darkened” mind. Don’t ‘cut yourself off’ but seek reconciliation.
B.T.D.T.
Grow in grace!

Our dream, our hope growing up was to have a place we could just ‘stay put!’ The church in general really doesn’t know what preacher families go through. They don’t understand the inner-struggle and feelings of instability the preacher-family has to live with. Almost anything can be a reason for having the dreaded-elder-meeting where the preacher hears the words, “it’s time for a change in preachers.” Of course this is ‘couched’ in acceptable, comforting language. However the end result is the same, since dad would come home and first talk with mom, “Honey, it looks like we are going to move again.” Then the news to us kids. Mom cried and we spoke out! “We don’t want to move!” “We just settled in, and have friends!” “It cannot be helped,” dad would say. So, we will be moving as soon as we find anther church. End result? NO ROOTS!

Not trying to give the idea that we were not grateful, but speaking as a PK (preacher’s kid), we didn’t like moving. It seemed to happen every 3-5 years. Our best time was 1964-1968 when we moved from the States to do mission work in Ireland. We went through adjustments of course, but looking back, the adventure was fun. New schools? Again, a bit difficult, but still the adventure was there. Learning to drive on the wrong side of the road, double-decker-busses, fish and chips, new sites, girls(!), English candy(!), fresh cooked breads and butter with honey, camping in the Mountains of Mourne (that sweep down to the sea, vacations to different parts of Ireland, more girls(!). It was a chance to settle down and be somewhat normal. We (kids) were the ‘novelties,’ as Americans were respected by most.

I went to a school called METHODIST COLLEGE BELFAST, (high school), where we had daily ‘Religious class,’ where they used the Bible (of course the in-school priest taught). I think I was a bit of a pain to him since ‘I knew more Bible than most.’ My brothers went to ANNADALE (high school) and the two schools were competitive ‘enemies’ in football (soccer), rugby etc… There are many more memories and photos, but I tell you this because we had our own place, (76 Gilnahirk Road), and a feeling of what it was like to be settled.

“Things change!” However, the adventure of a foreign mission field, and establishing the East Side Church of Christ (Belfast), was successful and still exists.

Bottom line… being a PK has its ups and downs… The dream… MOVE NO MORE! Settle down, establish roots, make friends (real friends) like other people did. This finally happened after dad retired from local work, and started his TUD ministry. No more moving… mom and dad had their own place, and we had a place called home. Even though by that time, we kids had grown up, gotten married, and moved out (except for Bob who stuck around for several years till he got married).

I can’t over-state the importance to the preacher family, the need for buying their own place. Churches mean well having a PH (preacher’s house). Usually behind the building. “We just want to help the preacher and our small congregation.” Well, good intentions or not, it is wiser to help a preacher family get started in their own place. It gives a sense of belonging being the main benefit. Don’t hire someone with the idea, “If we don’t like them, they can move.” This is true of course, but why hire someone with this in mind? Preaching is hard enough on the PF (preacher’s family), so really try to plan on a preacher staying, working out problems, growing together. Love the PF. Treat them well. Don’t allow the church gossiper to continue undermining the church or the preacher. Don’t expect the PKs to be perfect!!! They are not perfect! They are kids. Relax around the PKs and just encourage them. The church in general has a hard enough time winning the world to Christ, much less trying to change preachers every time a well-to-do member gets his/her feathers ruffled. Do your job elders. Correct and discipling the gossiper, disgruntled, trouble-makers. Protect your preacher and PF. Give people ‘elbow room’ and grow together!

There’s much more to all this and maybe I ‘ll get one of those ’round-to-its’ and write more. If not, I’ll leave you with this… Grow in grace, together!

       We told dad several times before, “Dad, that tree is going to cause problems.” It was located about 20 feet from the house, with huge limbs that stretched out over the house in several directions. One limb especially caused us some concern. It was BIG and loomed over the porch and the house and we mentioned that it needed to come down.

   Dad and I had sat on the front porch, rocking in the rocking chairs, and spoke of how beautiful the tree was. Dad had mentioned the squirrels that had their home there, as well as the birds. Little did we know, that one day it would come down.

   Mom and dad passed away two years ago, and the house was up for sale, and then one day a storm hit. We had checked on the house and the tree. My thoughts had gone back to the time when I warned dad about the tree. We had hoped to sell the house before all this happened.  We had no knowledge it would fall when it did. It had stood for many, many years. Even after the storm, nothing had happened… for two days. It was a calm clear evening, and on Feb. 15 about 8pm, I received a call from some neighbors where mom and dad had lived. “A huge limb has fallen, and hit the house!” We hung up the phone. After a short while, we got another call, “Mr. Exum, sorry to call at this hour, but we heard a loud crash, and went outside and saw that a limb has broken off and hit your dad’s house! You need to come and look, because the whole tree is leaning over the road!”

   Next day, we went over and saw the damage. Half the house was covered by this one limb, and the porch had a limb stuck through the roof. The tree had been balanced for years by this limb, because it had others just as big going out toward the road. Now with the balancing limb gone, the other limbs were pulling the whole tree over the road.    Long story short, since then we have had the limb removed, the yard has been cleaned up, and repairs to the house began, and soon the Exum house was good as new. The yard has been re-seeded where the tree was and before long began to grow. But the beautiful tree that provided shade for mom and dad, a home for squirrels, and birds is gone leaving yet another ‘hole’ in our hearts. It was so nice as we would sit on the three-season porch which faced the tree. We all admired and loved it, especially mom and dad.
 
   We have learned several things from all this. It is easier and wiser by far, to heed the warnings of that ‘inner voice’ that says, “DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS NOW!” Another way of saying that is “DON’T PROCRASTINATE”. Putting off doing something that needs done can simply make it worse, and take longer to fix… and cost more to do it.


Something else we learned was how much cool shade it was providing. No shade now. Something else we learned, as dad always reminded us of, “things change,” so try and be prepared.

“Through the years,” you find out what is really important. The old tree was nice, but what was really important are the memories of mom and dad sitting on their rocking chairs just listening, watching the birds, waving at friends who passed by. The tree is just a reminder of precious memories.

Grow in grace friends  

Please pardon the little joke – playing with words. The point of this article is just to get us thinking about where our emphasis is. It is hard to write on this because anytime you put something to pen and paper (even digitally), it is there and people begin finding exceptions to what is written.

When you consider those involved or claiming some connection to the Restoration Movement, we seem to automatically go to our corners and come out fighting. Perhaps we as a movement need to consider some “sy-la-bles” more carefully.

Growing up in the conservative Churches of Christ, I understand the feeling of discomfort of changes being made through the years and in our brotherhood today.

GRACE – Grace is deep and considerably wider than we usually teach. It is marvelous, and hard to get over once discovered and really applied with some consistency. Grace is neutralized by legalism, abused by attitude of license, missed by pride, and just plain ignored by lack of study. I have done my share of ALL of the above.

This is why I sometimes refer to myself as an ‘ex-Pharisee’ and I understand now how dirty the Prodigal son must have felt, and how difficult the trip home, and how grateful for a Father who “loves so much!” This “amazing grace” has helped me so much in dealing with things such as “congregational differences.”

– I have seen how much legalism has hurt the church and chased away so many our brothers and sisters in Christ. Legalism is when one takes the Gospel (GOOD NEWS) and makes it a system to gain acceptance of God (this is BAD NEWS not good). “Bad news,” because one can never be good enough, perform well enough, give enough, love enough, sing enough, work enough, win souls enough, or be just GOOD ENOUGH to be pleasing to God under a ‘law-works’ system! Under LAW if you break one part and you’re guilty of ALL (Jms.2:10,) and if one knows to do good and doesn’t do it, it is sin, (James 4:17). It’s a double “gotcha!” Law is good, needed, provides, protects, prohibits etc… It just cannot save us!

Should our emphasis be LAW or GRACE? Law without grace is unbearable. Grace without law is unnecessary. Without law there would be no need for grace, without grace there is no way to be saved from our sins. Grace is a vital teaching in Scriptures. Our problems come when applying it, and being CONSISTENT with it. The GRACE-LESS attitude has lead to churches dividing over silly things as well as not so silly things. My conviction is that much of the division within out brotherhood would not happen if we understood, and yes applied God’s grace (elbow room).

“Autonomy of congregations,” becomes a nice sounding phrase with little meaning, as seen when one congregation withdraws from and publicly blasts another congregation ‘dis-owning them’ in the local newspaper. Does grace cover differences that exist in those who claim to be part of the Restoration Movement? Well, without going to extremes, YES! The blood of Jesus which puts one into Christ, keeps one in Christ! Does performance, or perfection? No! Grace allows for growth, but legalism does not.

Law can operate under grace, but grace cannot live, tolerate nor breathe under LAW, much less allow for change and growth. I remember some things I USED TO BELIEVE, but I grew. Surely you do the same. GROW IN GRACE!

So what’s with this wrong “sy-la-ble” business. Simply this, Jesus calls us to FOLLOW HIM, copy HIM, be like HIM, be in relationship with HIM. Like James Woodruff says in his marvelous volume “Sayings that saved my Sanity,” “Jesus did not come to introduce us to a shinier cage to keep us from doing what we really want to do.” IT’S A LIFE, A RELATIONSHIP, A WALK, A HELPING HAND, A SHOULDER TO CRY ON, SOMEONE TO RUN TO. It is a growing process…Brethren, it is easy to fall from a SYSTEM, but hard to fall from a RELATIONSHIP.

May the Lord help us grow in grace and emphasize Him, walk with Him, forgive like Him, wash feet and serve like Him, be humble and empty ourselves out like Him. To emphasize TRUTH and ignore GRACE (“graceless truth”) is just as wrong as emphasizing GRACE and ignoring TRUTH (“truthless grace”). Jesus was full of both… So must we be… I have to offer this last word… I for sure do not understand the depths of grace nor do I understand everything about the many topics that disturb and divide us… I can only encourage you to study, pray, and brethren, grow in grace. We need it.

I love, perhaps too much, coffee with a snack. Bad news for diabetics. What makes it more enjoyable is the fellowship of getting together with a few brethren. This is what we do Monday morning for about an hour. This morning, Billy (pushing 80) was sharing ow his wife passed away five years ago, but he has been busy sharing the Gospel of Jesus with any who will listen. Recently returned from his trip to Ghana, he was sharing how the people are receiving the good news. It was amazing listening to him, even thrilling.

The idea of growing old(er) “ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.” What’s this got to do with Billy? Well, so many times we seniors get the feeling of uselessness. Memories sometimes do not help since they can make you feel ‘life has passed you up,’ ‘your time is past.’ It shouldn’t and doesn’t have to be that way.

Billy said his goal is heaven, and he looks forward to the next adventure! So what is making life an “adventure” for you? What makes you look forward to getting up in the morning?

Depression, the feeling of having no purpose, uselessness… should not be the feeling for senior Christians. Speaking for myself, I have and sometimes do have those feelings. Maybe you can commiserate on this a bit.

Billy quoted 2 Timothy 4:7-8 “I have competed well; I have finished the race; I have kept the faith! Finally the crown of righteousness is reserved for me. The Lord, the righteous Judge, will award it to me in that day – and not to me only, but also to all those who have set their affection on his appearing.”

‘Mindset,’ is important, not looking and living in the past, over which one has no control. Looking forward, pressing on, and as Hodge said, “I’m heaven bound!” We have to have a purpose in life, a reason to go on, something that makes this life a daily adventure. So what can take the place of living for and sharing the good news of Jesus.

Somewhere along the line I lost this, but “it ain’t over yet!” Still ticking here, and determined to practice what I’m writing about. How? By being with brethren that “charge my spiritual battery,” spend time in prayer, Scriptures, and writing to encourage other Christians. Feels good.
Smile! Exercise, push to get going and break old habits. Easy? No, since it is easy to fall into the rut of doing nothing!

Beware “idle mind is devils workshop.” More true than not.

So, let’s encourage each other since the days are getting hard! Grow in grace!

How to get ready for winter in the New Hampshire? Usually we average in the neighborhood of 71 inches, and Mount Washington receives 23 feet of the white stuff, along with the very high winds. What about the temperatures? In a word, COLD! With highs in low 40’s and lows from 17 above zero to 10 below zero. The first snowfall is exciting and pretty… but from there on… it is a chore.

Basically, everything has to be prepared for winter.
Here is a brief list:
1. Water lines have to have a heating wrap with insulation
2. Tires have to be All Season tires. Tires with studs or chains are not unusual but usually good tires are enough. However, a 4-Wheel Drive vehicle is almost essential when off the main drag.
3. Get out all the winter coats and long johns and put your spring and summer stuff away.
4. Check the roof to be ready for the snow and freezing. Ice cycles are dangerous when they hang from the roof. So, get out your roof rakes and be ready to use them.
5. No car port? No problem. Just get out in the morning and get your snow shovel out and begin.
6. Lawnmowers and other gas driven machines have to be drained and winterized (we call it “pickling.”)
7. Get out your battery chargers and be ready to use them for the sub zero weather. Usually use them overnight on trickle charge setting.
8. Stock up on Gas and additive to keep it good. (Have some for your car/truck as well because today’s “gas” tends to develop water in the tank.)
9. By the way, if you get caught in a winter storm while out driving, it can really be a “pain” so put blankets, AC/DC (not the heavy metal band) adapter in your emergency pack. Got to stay warm so a sleeping bag will help, along with flares, etc…
10. Your screened in three season porch? Well you need to put heavy clear tarp on the screen or the porch is unusable for five months. A porch with this type protection can be heated. (So get out your heaters.)
11. Store all yard furniture or cover with tarp.
12. Get SALT or ICE MELT for obvious reasons…
13. Hmm, I seem to have run out of things… but PREPARATION and FORE THOUGHT are critical because winter in the Northeast… is different.

By the way, if you think of preaching up here, be ready to stay more than the usual two-three years. It takes a while to gain people’s trust and friendship. Aim for a minimum of five to ten years… After that, you might even like it. Springtime is marvelous, summer is hot, fall is so beautiful (at least until all the leaves fall).

Grow in grace friends…

Dr. Marshall L. Cook wrote the book “Growing old Isn’t for sissies.” How true is this?! Looking back, I can remember thinking that 70 is OLD, but now here I am at 73, and I am having to re-think some things. I don’t know how you feel, but now I am thinking that maybe 80 plus is “old.” Maybe a good idea just to think of age as “just a number.” Things I have learned along the way…
1. Don’t put ANYTHING into writing before you reach 60. Why? Because “things change!” Opinions change, meanings of words change, most of all, I change. When I was a ‘young’ preacher, I thought I had all the answers. I was a ‘hell-fire and damnation’ type preacher. I pity the small congregations that had to put up with this ‘up-start’ preacher who thought he knew it all.
2. Don’t be afraid to change. Things are changing. You change, I change, we all change. Now the Word does not change, but our understanding of it changes (Lord willing) is we keep studying and pray the Spirit of Truth will guide us, soften our hearts as we surrender our lives daily. Things that can change us:
Love
Grace
Mercy
Forgiveness
Patience
All because of a Person, Jesus. He changes us if we are willing.
3. Put your family ahead of being a preacher. Never offer your family on the ‘church alter.’ Why loose your family to preach? You may say, “Church comes first!” Well, I disagree. Jesus first, Others (including family) second, Yourself last. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn.
Using Dr. Wests “B.E.S.T.” plan is very helpful for family…
B – Bless your wife and never allow any one (church members included) to put your wife down in your presence.
E – Edify your wife no matter what. We love to hear words of encouragement… but then so does your wife and kids.
S – Share your feelings, hurts, concerns, with your wife. Mark Gungor(?) has excellent videos for family seminars. He is very funny but straight forward in presenting and dealing with family and personal issues.
T – Touch your wife. A touchless marriage is a troubled marriage. Having seen marriages where things got so bad that the wife refused to be touched, the husband had to work very hard and consistently with the B.the E and the S., before getting to the T.
4. Seek help and be accountable is you need it! (Consider Celebrate Recovery).
5. Read and devour James S. Woodruff’s book “Sayings that saved my sanity”.This is manditory in my opinion for Christians in general. I won’t spoil it for you, so get this book! It is good. The title itself should appeal to church leaders.
6.Don’t forget your prayer-life and relationship with Jesus! So important.

You are encouraged to respond with your thoughts in this if you wish. Perhaps you can add something that will help someone else.

Thank you for reading, God bless you, Grow in grace!