I think everyone has times like this and some people seem to take it in stride while others… not so much… still others may crash. What then can one do?
(Using “Winning over stress” by Jack Exum as an ‘kick-off’ point. This book can be purchased and downloaded through Smashwords.com) This article includes thought from myself and dad.)

Stress is a natural response to problems, situations etc… How we deal with stress seems to be a mix of both natural and learned methods (habits). This can be learned from childhood of later in life. I personally tend to try and avoid confrontations, which is not a good thing all the time. I (unfortunately) learned over the years to withdraw and not talk. This is bad because things build up inside and eventually comes out in different ways. Here are ten things mentioned in dad’s book… LET’S GET STARTED as we expand on each.

How to deal with things that happen, and feel like life is caving in?
1. “Turn the word FAITH into the word TRUST.”
How quickly we forget the spiritual side, and sources at our disposal? Pressure seems too great to deal with, and instinct takes over. Do we fight or run? Often this leads to anger… DANGER AHEAD! “Just deal with it! Get over it! This is not great advice. Life isn’t so easy. Faith and trust are thought of as synonymous. Perhaps, but then real faith can grow and keep growing. Trusting in God, turning life over to Him as Abraham and others show.
IS REAL TRUST AN EASY THING? Not to me. It was not easy for the disciples of Jesus. They learned to trust as they saw and experienced the faithfulness and care of Jesus. Still their faith was not as strong UNTIL… resurrection day came. One thing I love about MMLJ is the way Jesus gave these early followers “elbow room.” He let and helped them GROW! When will we learn?
Stress kills for sure along with worry. Given time it affects the health. Turning your eyes towards the grave earlier than normal. Building mountains out of molehills. Getting nothing accomplished. Next day is worse… So grow in your faith. Read the Gospels and see how the disciples show us US, and how Jesus shows us GOD and how much He loves us. He never failed them, and He won’t fail you.
Read the Psalms… see David and put yourself right there and learn to let the Lord be your shepherd. TRUST!

2. “Begin each day with a song”
This is hard for me. Actually all of these things are hard for me. I have to keep going over this to make these principles mine. “Allow your daily pace to be set to music.” Songs like “When we walk with the Lord, in the light of his word; What a glory he sheds on our way; When we do his good will, he abides with us still and with all who will trust and obey.” The old song, “T’is so sweet to trust in Jesus,” or “Only trust him.” Songs that build TRUST.
“You pick your favorite song, and sing. Start now. Go on, burst into praise. Sing a line and turn your heart to God and relax. The secret is in the habit. Sing in the morning, sing at the noon time, and then again when the shadows grow heavy with darkness. Human stress and spiritual hands never hold hands.”

3. Pick out your special verse of Scripture”
I’m not a great memorizer. Even in preacher school (PRSOP) I struggled while others looked one time, and it was ‘there’ for life! Now at 76 when I look back and wish I had put the effort into this mental muscle I feel like a beginner. Well better now than never, right? Something just occurred to me on this. Growing up in the church meant we were “in church” every time the doors were open, and sometimes when they weren’t! Being a PK probably had a lot to do with that.
We regularly sang at least 5 spiritual songs every time we gathered as a church family. We sang as a family when traveling in the car or VW Bus… all the time. We loved to sing! Over time we knew many of the songs in the old brown song book. I would occasionally lead singing. A favorite was “Hallelujah Praise Jehovah,” and I loved it, and became kind of proficient (not professional) in song leading. Anyway, I tell you this to emphasize a point. You got to love God and the Scriptures. You have to get that feeling that there is something you are getting from this. Take for example my favorite verse in Psalms 37:4 (actually verses 1-8) but verse 4 says, “TRUST in the Lord, and DO GOOD…” It’s just a part of the verse but it is a great heart lifting seven words. Another verse is Psalms 34:1 “I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” “Simple trust, simple song, simple verse(s).” Encouragement for the moment and day. Try it! Find your verse, it helps!

4.”Turn outward”
Admit it, we all tend to be a bit self-centered. For the self-centered person seldom finds victory over stress. Why? The answer is not within, usually the problem is. It is hard for this person to find good in others. “If you are SERIOUS about cutting stress, find something good in everyone you see. When the heart is full of goodness, and the lips speak with beautiful words the praises of God in others, that feature alone will lower the blood pressure on a crowded freeway.” “That’s hypocritical!” you say. “I just can’t do that!” Frankly it’s not that you can’t, it’s YOU WON’T. We insist on letting the anger, hurt, and desire to strike back, take over. This just increases the stress, to say nothing about blood pressure. “Life is good, overwhelmingly good and people are waiting to be reminded of it.” People are needing encouragement, and you may be just the one they need to hear it from. Fill the gap, stand up for good. “Turn outward” and the benefits to you will be numerous. Read Psalms 37 for encouragement when dealing with ‘not so nice’ people, or the corrupt. (Again, good Scriptures help.) “Focus on others; compliment others; praise others; do for others… lose yourself in the needs of others… and in so doing, deal another death blow to stress.”

5. “Touching reduces stress”
Ok, let’s get real! “Touching” brings all kind of thoughts, some are positive and others negative. Being hammered with negative or sinful thoughts of touching should be denied and of course the Bible speaks on this. The positive use of this encouraged, why?
a.) From birth we thrive on it. Studies have been done on this. Babies NEED loving touch. This 76 year old scribe still needs it.
b.) ‘Touching’ can re-enforce connection and the feeling of being accepted.
On the other hand the lack of it can be and usually is emotionally destructive. Pulling away from someone builds emotional walls. Think about it. Do the research.
Here’s what dad says. “You know I am referring to “touching in the right places.” This platonic. non-erotic touch is one of inner feeling. Many of you who read this grew up in NON-TOUCHING a family. You will be tempted to pass this one by as being rather silly. To the contrary, I COULDN’T BE MORE SERIOUS.
We live above each other, beside each other, under each other, around each other, BUT SELDOM DO WE TOUCH. What a pity, for within the process of a loving touch is another nail in the coffin of stress. Touching says, “We’re related.” We belong to the human race and therefore (in a real sense) to each other. Perfect strangers can find (almost) immediate identity “in the tough.” Ann Landers found the vast majority of women enjoyed the touch and found the sensitive stroke of a husband’s love more fulfilling than the act of copulation (sex).Husbands touching (their) wives , wives responding with tender hands. Parents touching children, children reacting to the arms of mother and father. Friends and relatives rejoicing in the presence of each other.
Now turn the dial up a couple of notches and HUG. Hug others, friends, relatives, neighbors – BE A HUGGER and see what happens to all that stress you’ve been carrying. Be a full-blown, double armed, breast to chest hugger. Quit wondering if they will break your glasses. QUIT THINKING EVIL THOUGHTS ABOUT OTHERS BEING “DIRTY OLD MEN AND WOMEN.” Trust God and you will trust others more readily. BE A HUGGER!”
Here’s a poem dad included in a back page of his New Testament. I don’t think he knew the author and nor do I… Maybe you can help me on this.
So, what do you think? Let me know!

“TOUCH ME”
“Touch me in the morning while the night still clings,
Touch me at mid-day when confusion crowds around me.
Touch me in the evening when I see and hear you, best of all.
Touch me at night when I can’t see you,
but I know you are there.

Touch me with your hands and also with your eyes.
Touch me with your words, and with your thoughts.
Touch me with your presence in the room.

Touch me like a child who is strong enough to give,
Touch me like a mother
who brought life into the world.
Touch me like a father,
who’s gnarled and calloused hands OFTEN touch things as well as people.

Touch me when I ask you to-
Touch me when I’m afraid to ask you to.
Touch me gentle, for I’m so fragile.
Touch me firmly, I’m so strong.
BUT MOST IMPORTANT – TOUCH ME OFTEN –
FOR WITHOUT YOU TOUCH I FEEL SO ALONE.”

(References to “Touching,” which have helped me… Matthew 8:1-3; 8:15; 9:20, 29; 14:36). Study, reflect, apply what you learn, and share.

Grow in grace my friends…
(End Part One)

Part Two includes the following…
6. “A special deed of kindness each day”
7. Make your list and get started”
8. Put it in a box and tie it with a ribbon”
9. “Belly breathe… relax those muscles, exercise”
10. Now is the time to pray”



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SANDY COOPER
A GREAT PREACHER FROM BELFAST. This is the one man who influenced dad to leave Dallas, Texas (Walnut Hills Church of Christ) where he ministered, and move to Belfast, North Ireland to work as missionary. This lead to other missionary families joining the work there. The Eckman family joined in the mission with mom and dad. Others worked in Bangor, Coleraine, Northern Ireland. Many great memories. Many more pictures. (Note: “Thrue the years”).
I still recall this sweet Irishman making his presentation, and request for help in the mission work in Ireland. He was enthusiastic, gentle, very Irish, and we loved him. He was instrumental in spreading the Gospel in Northern Ireland!

Do you have any memories of Sandy??? I would love to hear from you!

This won’t be long, but I just wanted to thank all who come to visit this site, and respond with a “comment,” and those who just enjoy reading dad’s articles. I have a lot of work left on this site, and at present I am working on dad’s little work “Give and you shall Get.” I appreciate your patience, as it will be offered for FREE on Smashwords.

Regarding emails. I am trying to keep on top of it. I have to delete hundreds (each week) of those who want to be “subscribers,” because they are phishing, robots and scams, and spam. Pardon me if you inadvertently got deleted and feel free to apply again. (May wish to send email to jackexumjr@yahoo.com.)

Some news: Jim (the man) McGuiggan is 87. Please keep him in your prayers.
Jack Martin has a great blog called “HOPE EXISTS” – Jack Martin. He is a Irish preacher (from Belfast, N. Ireland) who loves the Lord.

Wiwik and I are doing well. We have moved to Lowell, Mass., (an unfortunate stronghold for liberals). Write me at 200 Market St., Apt. 615, Lowell. MA., 08152.
It’s winter here and trust me, “getting old (being retired IN WINTER) ain’t for sissies.”
Some bouts of depression experienced. Just focused on doing things I can to, especially my studies, and work on this website. I always appreciate hearing from readers, so keep it up.

Over the years I have learned. More aware of short-comings, and grace. More dependent on the Lord I hope. Regrets? I have more than a few, but like the prayer much quoted says,

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.
Taking as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that You (Lord) will make all things right, if I surrender to Your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. AMEN”

All the best and Love’s prayers.
JHEjr.

There is a war going on quite literally in the Christian’s life. The struggle between the spirit and the flesh, light and darkness, good and evil. Every Christian experiences this struggle to some extent. Some grow weary along the way as the ‘pull of the dark side’ seems constant. Recalling the time when they first heard of Jesus and His sacrifice for sins of the worldn, surrendering to Him, and being born of “water and the Spirit” (John 3:3-5; Acts 2:37-39). Remembering the joy of realizing his sins are forgiven, and the debt is paid. Filled with hope and joy at this new beginning… HEAVEN BOUND, right?

Once there was a scientist who performed a ‘creepy’ experiment of joining a spider and a butterfly. The spider of course seeks for the dark corners to do it’s thing, while the butterfly longed to fly free. The tug of war is obviously a threat to both. Which one will ‘win’? Will the butterfly finally give up (die) and get dragged to the darkness, or will the spider give up (die) and trail along as the butterfly flies away into the sky. Which will overpower the other?

God help us, this is (my) struggle, and just maybe it’s yours.

Paul expresses something about this in Romans 7:21-25. I want to do the right thing, but I don’t. I want to soar into the blue sky but I cannot. There is a war going on. God help us, please. Of course, all the work, sacrifice, has been done. So why do I feel so lost? “O wretched man that I am! WHO will deliver me from this body if death?” Listen friend, it’s all about JESUS.

Now to my title text! Ephesians 4:17-24

“This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, (18) having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; (19) who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness to work all uncleanness with greediness.

B.T.D.T., simply put… “been there done that!”
Paul says, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, ” Romans 3:23. The hurt, shame, guilt? What is one who “knows better” to do? Giving up while being a temptation, is not an option. Prayer for forgiveness and depending on His love and grace provides a new start. “Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another that you can be healed. The effectual (effective) fervent (sincere, showing emotions) prayer of a righteous man (through the blood of Christ), avails (accomplishes) much.” James 5:16.

How could we live as Christians without HOPE (desire plus expectation)? Who can we turn to, if not to a “righteous man”(Jms. 5:16) to intercede for us? “Some things are better left unsaid,” but this is far better than “bottling things up.” FIND A RIGHTEOUS BROTHER (one who won’t blab on Facebook (anonymously) AND CONFESS AND HAVE HIM PRAY FOR YOU. “Burdens are lifted at Calvary.” Let a brother lead you there.

Avoid at all costs having a ‘darkened” mind. Don’t ‘cut yourself off’ but seek reconciliation.
B.T.D.T. Be sure, “it ain’t over yet.” God hasn’t given up on you or me. Thank God.
Grow in grace!

Our dream, our hope growing up was to have a place we could just ‘stay put!’ The church in general really doesn’t know what preacher families go through. They don’t understand the inner-struggle and feelings of instability the preacher-family has to live with. Almost anything can be a reason for having the dreaded-elder-meeting where the preacher hears the words, “it’s time for a change in preachers.” Of course this is ‘couched’ in acceptable, comforting language. However the end result is the same, since dad would come home and first talk with mom, “Honey, it looks like we are going to move again.” Then the news to us kids. Mom cried and we spoke out! “We don’t want to move!” “We just settled in, and have friends!” “It cannot be helped,” dad would say. So, we will be moving as soon as we find anther church. End result? NO ROOTS!

Not trying to give the idea that we were not grateful, but speaking as a PK (preacher’s kid), we didn’t like moving. It seemed to happen every 3-5 years. Our best time was 1964-1968 when we moved from the States to do mission work in Ireland. We went through adjustments of course, but looking back, the adventure was fun. New schools? Again, a bit difficult, but still the adventure was there. Learning to drive on the wrong side of the road, double-decker-busses, fish and chips, new sites, girls(!), English candy(!), fresh cooked breads and butter with honey, camping in the Mountains of Mourne (that sweep down to the sea, vacations to different parts of Ireland, more girls(!). It was a chance to settle down and be somewhat normal. We (kids) were the ‘novelties,’ as Americans were respected by most.

I went to a school called METHODIST COLLEGE BELFAST, (high school), where we had daily ‘Religious class,’ where they used the Bible (of course the in-school priest taught). I think I was a bit of a pain to him since ‘I knew more Bible than most.’ My brothers went to ANNADALE (high school) and the two schools were competitive ‘enemies’ in football (soccer), rugby etc… There are many more memories and photos, but I tell you this because we had our own place, (76 Gilnahirk Road), and a feeling of what it was like to be settled.

“Things change!” However, the adventure of a foreign mission field, and establishing the East Side Church of Christ (Belfast), was successful and still exists.

Bottom line… being a PK has its ups and downs… The dream… MOVE NO MORE! Settle down, establish roots, make friends (real friends) like other people did. This finally happened after dad retired from local work, and started his TUD ministry. No more moving… mom and dad had their own place, and we had a place called home. Even though by that time, we kids had grown up, gotten married, and moved out (except for Bob who stuck around for several years till he got married).

I can’t over-state the importance to the preacher family, the need for buying their own place. Churches mean well having a PH (preacher’s house). Usually behind the building. “We just want to help the preacher and our small congregation.” Well, good intentions or not, it is wiser to help a preacher family get started in their own place. It gives a sense of belonging being the main benefit. Don’t hire someone with the idea, “If we don’t like them, they can move.” This is true of course, but why hire someone with this in mind? Preaching is hard enough on the PF (preacher’s family), so really try to plan on a preacher staying, working out problems, growing together. Love the PF. Treat them well. Don’t allow the church gossiper to continue undermining the church or the preacher. Don’t expect the PKs to be perfect!!! They are not perfect! They are kids. Relax around the PKs and just encourage them. The church in general has a hard enough time winning the world to Christ, much less trying to change preachers every time a well-to-do member gets his/her feathers ruffled. Do your job elders. Correct and discipling the gossiper, disgruntled, trouble-makers. Protect your preacher and PF. Give people ‘elbow room’ and grow together!

There’s much more to all this and maybe I ‘ll get one of those ’round-to-its’ and write more. If not, I’ll leave you with this… Grow in grace, together!

       We told dad several times before, “Dad, that tree is going to cause problems.” It was located about 20 feet from the house, with huge limbs that stretched out over the house in several directions. One limb especially caused us some concern. It was BIG and loomed over the porch and the house and we mentioned that it needed to come down.

   Dad and I had sat on the front porch, rocking in the rocking chairs, and spoke of how beautiful the tree was. Dad had mentioned the squirrels that had their home there, as well as the birds. Little did we know, that one day it would come down.

   Mom and dad passed away two years ago, and the house was up for sale, and then one day a storm hit. We had checked on the house and the tree. My thoughts had gone back to the time when I warned dad about the tree. We had hoped to sell the house before all this happened.  We had no knowledge it would fall when it did. It had stood for many, many years. Even after the storm, nothing had happened… for two days. It was a calm clear evening, and on Feb. 15 about 8pm, I received a call from some neighbors where mom and dad had lived. “A huge limb has fallen, and hit the house!” We hung up the phone. After a short while, we got another call, “Mr. Exum, sorry to call at this hour, but we heard a loud crash, and went outside and saw that a limb has broken off and hit your dad’s house! You need to come and look, because the whole tree is leaning over the road!”

   Next day, we went over and saw the damage. Half the house was covered by this one limb, and the porch had a limb stuck through the roof. The tree had been balanced for years by this limb, because it had others just as big going out toward the road. Now with the balancing limb gone, the other limbs were pulling the whole tree over the road.    Long story short, since then we have had the limb removed, the yard has been cleaned up, and repairs to the house began, and soon the Exum house was good as new. The yard has been re-seeded where the tree was and before long began to grow. But the beautiful tree that provided shade for mom and dad, a home for squirrels, and birds is gone leaving yet another ‘hole’ in our hearts. It was so nice as we would sit on the three-season porch which faced the tree. We all admired and loved it, especially mom and dad.
 
   We have learned several things from all this. It is easier and wiser by far, to heed the warnings of that ‘inner voice’ that says, “DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS NOW!” Another way of saying that is “DON’T PROCRASTINATE”. Putting off doing something that needs done can simply make it worse, and take longer to fix… and cost more to do it.


Something else we learned was how much cool shade it was providing. No shade now. Something else we learned, as dad always reminded us of, “things change,” so try and be prepared.

“Through the years,” you find out what is really important. The old tree was nice, but what was really important are the memories of mom and dad sitting on their rocking chairs just listening, watching the birds, waving at friends who passed by. The tree is just a reminder of precious memories.

Grow in grace friends  

Please pardon the little joke – playing with words. The point of this article is just to get us thinking about where our emphasis is. It is hard to write on this because anytime you put something to pen and paper (even digitally), it is there and people begin finding exceptions to what is written.

When you consider those involved or claiming some connection to the Restoration Movement, we seem to automatically go to our corners and come out fighting. Perhaps we as a movement need to consider some “sy-la-bles” more carefully.

Growing up in the conservative Churches of Christ, I understand the feeling of discomfort of changes being made through the years and in our brotherhood today.

GRACE – Grace is deep and considerably wider than we usually teach. It is marvelous, and hard to get over once discovered and really applied with some consistency. Grace is neutralized by legalism, abused by attitude of license, missed by pride, and just plain ignored by lack of study. I have done my share of ALL of the above.

This is why I sometimes refer to myself as an ‘ex-Pharisee’ and I understand now how dirty the Prodigal son must have felt, and how difficult the trip home, and how grateful for a Father who “loves so much!” This “amazing grace” has helped me so much in dealing with things such as “congregational differences.”

– I have seen how much legalism has hurt the church and chased away so many our brothers and sisters in Christ. Legalism is when one takes the Gospel (GOOD NEWS) and makes it a system to gain acceptance of God (this is BAD NEWS not good). “Bad news,” because one can never be good enough, perform well enough, give enough, love enough, sing enough, work enough, win souls enough, or be just GOOD ENOUGH to be pleasing to God under a ‘law-works’ system! Under LAW if you break one part and you’re guilty of ALL (Jms.2:10,) and if one knows to do good and doesn’t do it, it is sin, (James 4:17). It’s a double “gotcha!” Law is good, needed, provides, protects, prohibits etc… It just cannot save us!

Should our emphasis be LAW or GRACE? Law without grace is unbearable. Grace without law is unnecessary. Without law there would be no need for grace, without grace there is no way to be saved from our sins. Grace is a vital teaching in Scriptures. Our problems come when applying it, and being CONSISTENT with it. The GRACE-LESS attitude has lead to churches dividing over silly things as well as not so silly things. My conviction is that much of the division within out brotherhood would not happen if we understood, and yes applied God’s grace (elbow room).

“Autonomy of congregations,” becomes a nice sounding phrase with little meaning, as seen when one congregation withdraws from and publicly blasts another congregation ‘dis-owning them’ in the local newspaper. Does grace cover differences that exist in those who claim to be part of the Restoration Movement? Well, without going to extremes, YES! The blood of Jesus which puts one into Christ, keeps one in Christ! Does performance, or perfection? No! Grace allows for growth, but legalism does not.

Law can operate under grace, but grace cannot live, tolerate nor breathe under LAW, much less allow for change and growth. I remember some things I USED TO BELIEVE, but I grew. Surely you do the same. GROW IN GRACE!

So what’s with this wrong “sy-la-ble” business. Simply this, Jesus calls us to FOLLOW HIM, copy HIM, be like HIM, be in relationship with HIM. Like James Woodruff says in his marvelous volume “Sayings that saved my Sanity,” “Jesus did not come to introduce us to a shinier cage to keep us from doing what we really want to do.” IT’S A LIFE, A RELATIONSHIP, A WALK, A HELPING HAND, A SHOULDER TO CRY ON, SOMEONE TO RUN TO. It is a growing process…Brethren, it is easy to fall from a SYSTEM, but hard to fall from a RELATIONSHIP.

May the Lord help us grow in grace and emphasize Him, walk with Him, forgive like Him, wash feet and serve like Him, be humble and empty ourselves out like Him. To emphasize TRUTH and ignore GRACE (“graceless truth”) is just as wrong as emphasizing GRACE and ignoring TRUTH (“truthless grace”). Jesus was full of both… So must we be… I have to offer this last word… I for sure do not understand the depths of grace nor do I understand everything about the many topics that disturb and divide us… I can only encourage you to study, pray, and brethren, grow in grace. We need it.