Looking through Dad’s Bible, I found these notes, hand written October 1, 2000. Evidently he was taking notes from Neale Pryor. Here are his notes…
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“THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN THE FAMILY”
(Forgiveness – Three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.)
1.) PARENTS: Forgive your children – (e.g. Absalom)
2.) CHILDREN: Forgive your parents
3.) BROTHERS AND SISTER: Forgive each other
4.) HUNSBAND/WIFE: Forgive each other
5.) YOU: Forgive yourself.
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The importance of forgiving one another cannot be over-stated when dealing with relationships. If you parallel the church family and the home, the need for FORGIVENESS in both are easy to see.
What is “forgiveness?” Dad had this definition, “To grant free pardon, and cease to feel resentment.” He preached this all across the brotherhood, and finally, after a lesson on “Dealing with bitterness,” a lady met him at the door and told him she disagreed with him. She and Dad sat and talked, and she explained that in her opinion his idea was over simplified… and that “ceasing to feel resentment” takes time. The healing of the heart and emotions doesn’t just happen over night (although it can). Forgiveness opens the door or begins the healing process. From that time, Dad changed his message to be more balanced.
The reason for adding this to the short series on the home, is that nothing takes the place of forgiveness! A home without a forgiving spirit will not last. Too many hurts, short comings, and faults (whether innocent or on purpose) just seem to pile up in the heart. Paul says, “Love does not keep a record of wrongs…” and yet that is exactly what happens in many a heart. Finally the “pile” gets too big, the pain and emotional distress gets too hard to handle, and divorce is pursued as the only way out, and while this is not an article on the DRM question, we need to try and help before relationships in the family, and in church (divisions), get to the point of no repair. Just preaching “agin it,” doesn’t help. People need some PRACTICAL ADVISE AND HELP. Congregations need some PRACTICAL help and advice.
When a family experiences divorce.. it is because the marriage has died long before. Often the result of a lack in humility and mercy. Humility asks for forgiveness (free pardon,) and mercy (not getting what you deserve) grants it. It is much like God’s grace, right?
When a congregation “divorces” (divides), it is usually due to a lack of humility (and an abundance of pride), and a lack in mercy towards each other. Given the fact that a congregation is composed of people from different backgrounds, carrying different baggage from the past, means there must be a lot of patience and wisdom in dealing with this. Romans 14-15 deals with this idea at length, where the “weak” and “strong” must “stay in the struggle.”
Loving your wife, and loving brethren, demand an understanding and practice of always being ready to forgive.
There is something more we need to add… “put up with one another.” Fact is “you ain’t gonna change each other,” and probably “you aren’t a bargain to live with either.” Everyone has “baggage” and things which need corrected… No, you won’t change other people, at least not always, on everything. Begin with yourself. In the home or in a congregation, there are things you just need to accept, or at least give time to grow.
Here is something I picked up from Dad which applies both to ALL families and congregations.
1. YOU ARE NUMBER ONE IN MY LIFE. (Putting others before yourself is extremely important, because selfishness, or thinking everything revolves around you will destroy relationships.)
2. I ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE. YOU ARE FREE TO BE YOURSELF. (Just think about it… when a person becomes a Christian, God has accepted him/her. The first thing we begin to do is tell them, “You gotta change this or that.” Before long they het the idea that THEY ARE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! Growth comes more by observance than coercion. Just imagine yourself in their place. How do you react when change is being pushed on you? Not so well I imagine. ACCEPT THEM! LET THEM GROW AND CHANGE OVER TIME! TEACH AND ENCOURAGE WITH THE LOVE YOU SHOULD HAVE FOR A HUSBAND OR WIFE.
3. MAKE NO MORAL JUDGMENTS. Dad told Mom, “I will not make any moral judgments about you.” Well, he failed in this. He tried though. Making moral judgments is a touchy area. CAUTION should be used, CARE AND LOVE should be evident. Listen friends, you can correct someone on almost anything, if they are certain it is coming from a heart of love!
4. YOU ARE FREE TO HAVE YOUR FEELINGS. Feelings aren’t right or wrong… they just are! You need to understand this. When someone is upset, the worst thing you can say is, “you shouldn’t feel that way.” Again, put yourself in their shoes. Try saying, “You have a right to your feelings…” Just listen! This is hard for preachers… I know this first hand. Dad was a great preacher… his problem (in his words), “I just have a hard time listening.”
5. NO DIVORCE! You say, “What if I have been through divorce?” Are you a believer, washed in the blood of Jesus? “Yes.” Have you repented sincerely of the (divorce) past? “Yes.” Then begin where you are in God’s forgiveness and grace, and promise your spouse DIVORCE IS OUT OF OUR PICTURE. WE ARE IN THIS FOR LIFE!” You may say “Well I haven’t been through divorce.” Then you need to tell your spouse the same thing! NO DIVORCE!
Congregations and families need to stop the sin of quitting on each other (divorce). God hates it! Instead learn how to forgive. Don’t preach against “divorce” and push for “division” in a congregation. It is hypocritical to say the least.
Husbands, wives, (especially children,) congregations, need to know… WE WILL NOT HAVE ANY PART IN “QUITTING ON EACH OTHER.” Mark and avoid the one who spreads division wherever they go. Keep the unity of the Spirit. Build and encourage the home and congregation you are part of.
Grow in grace!

Children that grow up without respect and understanding of parental authority, not knowing the meaning of a (definite) “yes” or “no,” are going to have problems. The family is the foundation of society, and when there are “fifty shades of grey” between right and wrong, then “right” and “wrong” seem to disappear. Children are in need of clear guidance, and a knowledge of right and wrong. This begins in the home where parents are the authority. Government is good to an extent, but never has been a good substitute for raising children.
1. Parental authority is LAW. “Law” is basically a rule of action. It must be established – accepted – administered God’s way and must never be in doubt. Parental authority is not up for auction. When a man and woman are married and have children, they are in charge. Responsible for feeding, caring, clothing, rearing, teaching, disciplining, loving, nurturing, and protecting their children. Much like the old example which Jesus used in John 10 of the shepherd caring for his sheep. Much of the “shepherd and sheep” idea can be a good illustration of parenting children.
2. Take a look at some passages here:
Ephesians 6.1-3 “Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.” Point: IT IS WRONG FOR A CHILD TO DISOBEY AND DISHONOR PARENTS, AND WRONG FOR PARENTS TO ALLOW CHILDREN TO DO THIS.
Hebrews 5.8-9 “Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by things which he suffered; And being made perfect , he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him.” Point: LEARNING OBEDIENCE IS NOT EASY, BUT LEADS TO PERFECTION (MATURITY), ITS UP TO PARENTS TO TEACH.
I Samuel 3.13 “For I told him that I would judge his house forever, for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile and he restrains them not.” Point: PARENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR RAISING THEIR CHILDREN RIGHT. WHEN THEIR CHILDREN GO THE WAY ELI’S SONS DID, THEY MUST ACT TO RESTRAIN (STOP-DISCIPLINE) THEM.
Today, employees run the business, students run the school, minority groups run everybody (political correctness), children run the home! Old Chinese proverb says, “HE THAT RESPECTS NOT HIS MOTHER AND FATHER RESPECTS NO ONE ON EARTH.”
3. LAW does several things, it provides, prohibits, protects, and promises. Law is a rule of action, the basis of habits formed, the foundation of independence earned and learned, the father of understanding and provider of liberty. For example: Mom and Dad were our “supreme court,” what they said was law for us. Dad would say, “Jack, play here (and then he would lay the boundaries.) As long as I played within the boundaries provided, I was okay. I was free, to play to run, to hide or seek, to jump and laugh… I was obeying Dad’s law. I felt good about that. Its when I got too close, or crossed the line, that something happened. What happened? I was guilty, dirty, wrong INSIDE. Whether or not I was caught, I WAS WRONG. Similar to Adam and Eve when they disobeyed, “I was afraid… and I hid myself.” The innocence, the communion, the freedom and feeling of “rightness” was gone!
What if Dad had (as he did many times) caught me. Instead of getting a whipping or whatever the discipline required, if he had said, “Aw, it’s okay son… nobody going to whip you. nobody gonna touch you. Don’t worry son, I’ll protect you from everyone and everything.” As Dad said in his lesson, “You may as well give him a gun. He is not going to respect any authority.” Authority respected begins in the home, not in church or school! Surrendering parental authority to church or school is WRONG.
Want to solve some problems at home? Lovingly but firmly (re)establish parental authority. Lay out the rules and draw the lines, and the consequences for crossing them, and hold to it, “For this is right…”

Grow in grace!

Make up your mind… one way or the other! CONSISTENCY is a jewel in the crown of parents. It gives meaning and force to ones words when raising children. Just a “look” from mom was often enough to stop us before “crossing the line.” We knew Mom and Dad said what they meant, and meant what they said. Parenting requires “perseverance,” and “stick-toit-tiveness.” It is the hardest job, and can yield the most rewards.
Let’s consider some Scriptures:
1.) Deuteronomy 6.6-7 “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” There is a reason why the Lord commanded this of His people. Passing on the teachings of the Lord takes time, determination, and consistency. We have a problem doing this for ourselves much less for our kids. If we want to reap the good harvest, we have to plant the good seed (Galatians 6:7). Take the time. Make following the Lord a habit not only for yourself, but your children.
2.) Proverbs 22.6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” “Well, I taught mine and they didn’t stick to it.” I will speak from experience, that even though a child may grow up and “abandon” his teachings at times, they always remember, and often come back, if you don’t give up. The door of the parents should always have a “welcome home,” mat not just for visitors, but for children. (Not to move back in.)(Smile!). Training’s success often depends on how the parent goes about the training, and the life (example) of the parent.
3.) II Timothy 1.5 ” When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.” It’s hard to explain, and hard if not impossible to cover all that needs to be covered in this. However, the CONSISTENT EXAMPLE AND TEACHING of parents is the best “Bible translation” for children.
Bottom line: IF YOU DON’T MEAN IT, DON’T SAY IT.”
Principles:
1.) Partiality is a “no-no.” Remember the struggle of Jacob with his sons. A child doesn’t like to feel he/she is being treated differently from the siblings. Bob is handicapped… has been since he was two years old. His handicap changed the dynamics of the home 100%. He went through many surgeries and rehabilitations. Casts, braces, crutches, wheel-chairs, bed-pans… but he got his share of the whippings. Mom and Dad often cried in their bedroom I was told, after these hard times. Yet the raising of children demands much of parents.
2.) TEACHING PLUS TIME = MIND
MIND PLUS TIME = CONVICTIONS
CONVICTIONS PLUS TIME = CHARACTER
CHARACHTER PLUS TIME = DESTINY
2.) “And it came to pass.” If you don’t give up, and grow in God’s grace(s), and let His love and teachings be center in your life and home, then “it will come to pass.”
3.) A CONSISTENT HOME is orderly and runs smooth, changes come slow, there is peace, strength and endurance, patience, and it is grounded and firm.
Don’t tell all your ups and downs, speak of your direction
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Re KIDS:
1.) Let them be kids!
2.) Teach them true values (of family, love, money, work etc…)
3.) Teach them simple obedience and the importance of just doing it to BE RIGHT.
4.) Teach them to “finish what you start.”
5.) Bear kids burdens but not their responsibilities.

Re: DISCIPLINE – “THE TRAIL BEFORE THE HANGING:”
1.) Tell me what happened
2.) Do you think this is right or wrong?
3.) What should we do about it?
4.) What could/should you have done?
5.) What will you do next time?
6.) What would you recommend for your own boy? (For teenagers)

Grow in grace brethren!