“The Home: Problems and Solutions” (Post Script)

This article is part 6 of 6 in the series Christian Home

Looking through Dad’s Bible, I found these notes, hand written October 1, 2000. Evidently he was taking notes from Neale Pryor. Here are his notes…
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“THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR IN THE FAMILY”
(Forgiveness – Three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.)
1.) PARENTS: Forgive your children – (e.g. Absalom)
2.) CHILDREN: Forgive your parents
3.) BROTHERS AND SISTER: Forgive each other
4.) HUNSBAND/WIFE: Forgive each other
5.) YOU: Forgive yourself.
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The importance of forgiving one another cannot be over-stated when dealing with relationships. If you parallel the church family and the home, the need for FORGIVENESS in both are easy to see.
What is “forgiveness?” Dad had this definition, “To grant free pardon, and cease to feel resentment.” He preached this all across the brotherhood, and finally, after a lesson on “Dealing with bitterness,” a lady met him at the door and told him she disagreed with him. She and Dad sat and talked, and she explained that in her opinion his idea was over simplified… and that “ceasing to feel resentment” takes time. The healing of the heart and emotions doesn’t just happen over night (although it can). Forgiveness opens the door or begins the healing process. From that time, Dad changed his message to be more balanced.
The reason for adding this to the short series on the home, is that nothing takes the place of forgiveness! A home without a forgiving spirit will not last. Too many hurts, short comings, and faults (whether innocent or on purpose) just seem to pile up in the heart. Paul says, “Love does not keep a record of wrongs…” and yet that is exactly what happens in many a heart. Finally the “pile” gets too big, the pain and emotional distress gets too hard to handle, and divorce is pursued as the only way out, and while this is not an article on the DRM question, we need to try and help before relationships in the family, and in church (divisions), get to the point of no repair. Just preaching “agin it,” doesn’t help. People need some PRACTICAL ADVISE AND HELP. Congregations need some PRACTICAL help and advice.
When a family experiences divorce.. it is because the marriage has died long before. Often the result of a lack in humility and mercy. Humility asks for forgiveness (free pardon,) and mercy (not getting what you deserve) grants it. It is much like God’s grace, right?
When a congregation “divorces” (divides), it is usually due to a lack of humility (and an abundance of pride), and a lack in mercy towards each other. Given the fact that a congregation is composed of people from different backgrounds, carrying different baggage from the past, means there must be a lot of patience and wisdom in dealing with this. Romans 14-15 deals with this idea at length, where the “weak” and “strong” must “stay in the struggle.”
Loving your wife, and loving brethren, demand an understanding and practice of always being ready to forgive.
There is something more we need to add… “put up with one another.” Fact is “you ain’t gonna change each other,” and probably “you aren’t a bargain to live with either.” Everyone has “baggage” and things which need corrected… No, you won’t change other people, at least not always, on everything. Begin with yourself. In the home or in a congregation, there are things you just need to accept, or at least give time to grow.
Here is something I picked up from Dad which applies both to ALL families and congregations.
1. YOU ARE NUMBER ONE IN MY LIFE. (Putting others before yourself is extremely important, because selfishness, or thinking everything revolves around you will destroy relationships.)
2. I ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE. YOU ARE FREE TO BE YOURSELF. (Just think about it… when a person becomes a Christian, God has accepted him/her. The first thing we begin to do is tell them, “You gotta change this or that.” Before long they het the idea that THEY ARE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! Growth comes more by observance than coercion. Just imagine yourself in their place. How do you react when change is being pushed on you? Not so well I imagine. ACCEPT THEM! LET THEM GROW AND CHANGE OVER TIME! TEACH AND ENCOURAGE WITH THE LOVE YOU SHOULD HAVE FOR A HUSBAND OR WIFE.
3. MAKE NO MORAL JUDGMENTS. Dad told Mom, “I will not make any moral judgments about you.” Well, he failed in this. He tried though. Making moral judgments is a touchy area. CAUTION should be used, CARE AND LOVE should be evident. Listen friends, you can correct someone on almost anything, if they are certain it is coming from a heart of love!
4. YOU ARE FREE TO HAVE YOUR FEELINGS. Feelings aren’t right or wrong… they just are! You need to understand this. When someone is upset, the worst thing you can say is, “you shouldn’t feel that way.” Again, put yourself in their shoes. Try saying, “You have a right to your feelings…” Just listen! This is hard for preachers… I know this first hand. Dad was a great preacher… his problem (in his words), “I just have a hard time listening.”
5. NO DIVORCE! You say, “What if I have been through divorce?” Are you a believer, washed in the blood of Jesus? “Yes.” Have you repented sincerely of the (divorce) past? “Yes.” Then begin where you are in God’s forgiveness and grace, and promise your spouse DIVORCE IS OUT OF OUR PICTURE. WE ARE IN THIS FOR LIFE!” You may say “Well I haven’t been through divorce.” Then you need to tell your spouse the same thing! NO DIVORCE!
Congregations and families need to stop the sin of quitting on each other (divorce). God hates it! Instead learn how to forgive. Don’t preach against “divorce” and push for “division” in a congregation. It is hypocritical to say the least.
Husbands, wives, (especially children,) congregations, need to know… WE WILL NOT HAVE ANY PART IN “QUITTING ON EACH OTHER.” Mark and avoid the one who spreads division wherever they go. Keep the unity of the Spirit. Build and encourage the home and congregation you are part of.
Grow in grace!

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“Five Hurtles To Radical Faith”

Hurdling is an exciting part of the Olympics. The idea is to run a distance of say 110 yards, and overcome the hurdles that are evenly set and must be cleared without knocking them over or falling, and be the fastest one to finish.
I don’t know where Dad got this outline, but evidently he was listening to a speaker and taking notes. Using a play on words, instead of “hurdles” he used “HURTLES.”
“FIVE HURTLES OF RADICAL FAITH”
The story of Jesus healing Jairus’ daughter
Text: Mark 5.21-end
“And when Jesus was passed over again by ship unto the other side, much people gathered unto him: and he was nigh unto the sea. And, behold, there cometh one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name; and when he saw him, he fell at his feet…”
1. DIGNITY: He was a ruler of the Jewish synagogue. While many rulers hated and despised Jesus… while Jairus did not. Jairus was a hurting, disturbed, broken man. Life happens, and when sickness and death comes, it shakes all concerned, even this ruler of the synagogue. In great humility, he falls on his face before the Lord. He did not care what others thought about him. He cared not what other “rulers” thought of him. “Dear Lord, I beg you, please come, I need you now,” was the only thing he could say. Dignity was “out the window” as he approached his only Hope for his daughter. Pride is gone, the hurt and pain humbles the greatest. Dignity disappears in His presence.
2. DELAY: “Hurry up!” “Let’s go right now!” The panic of his voice is easy to hear as you read the text. Yet there are interruptions that always seem to come challenging our patience and faith. In vv 25-34 there is a woman who has trouble of her own. She was bleeding, and not just for a day… this had gone on for twelve years! Doctors could not help… and again Jesus was her only Hope. She interrupts His journey to help Jairus, not meaning to, because she just wanted to touch his garment and be healed and disappear into the crowd. Question: What do you do when God makes you wait? We get angry because we want help NOW! “I’ll go and get another God if you can’t put my needs first!” In our time, we demand fast food, ATMs, Quick Lubes, and Drive-Thru dining. We just don’t want to wait. Even the Lord’s Supper is timed down to five minutes so as to keep us on schedule to get thru services on time to “beat the Baptists” to lunch. What a shame. Remember how Abraham was made to “wait” for the promised son, Isaac. Recall what happened when he didn’t. Remember how Moses had to wait 40 years to be ready to serve. When he was 80 years old, God says, “Ok Moses, it’s time to go see Pharaoh!” Then you have Elijah, Jesus, Paul and others… who experienced this “waiting” period, or call it “the wilderness.” This is a tough “hurtle” when we are hurting.
3. DESPAIR: Men came and told Jairus, “Your daughter has died.” “It’s too late… even Jesus can’t help you now.” “Don’t bother the Lord anymore.” The words of men are full of despair as all hope seems lost. Yet the words of the Son of Man quietly say, “Do not be afraid… only believe.” “JUST BELIEVE!” We get nervous with these words. We are ready for some doctrinal battle. Why does Jesus say this? What if we change this to “JUST TRUST ME!” That’s all He is saying. So many times I see in my life this is what is lacking. In times of trouble, in times of despair, when all seems lost, “JUST TRUST ME.” Jairus saw what GOD was doing.
4. DERISION: Professional mourners were already “doing their job.” The girl was dead inside the house, and everyone knew she was dead. It was now time to mourn the loss of something wonderful in this couple’s life… their daughter. While they cry out and mourn, Jesus tells Jairus, “She is not dead, she is just sleeping.” Everyone laughs and mocks Him. “Are you crazy… she is dead!” The Creator is mocked! The source of life is derided! The world is no different now as it was then when Paul says, “But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumbling block, and unto the Greeks foolishness” (I Corinthians 1.23). Jesus simply says, “JUST BELIEVE IN ME!”
5. DEATH: “It’s over, she is gone.” When Dad passed away, we were there. My sweet wife saw him take his last breath. She lay across him and cried. It still brings tears to recall. He was so much to us all. BUT…”I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. 15 For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. 16 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 17 Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. 18 Wherefore comfort one another with these words” (I Thessalonians 4.13-18).
Jesus breathed his last, was taken from the cross, buried… BUT “death could not keep its prey.” He arose!

Questions:
1. Does your faith separate you from the crowd?
2. Does your faith operate in the face of trials?
3. Is your faith evident in your home? At work?
“You can trust god to save ALL THOSE IN JESUS”

Grow in grace brethren.

Those of you who are searching for meaning in life, why not explore JESUS. My little study on www.jackexum.com is called “Redeemed,” and is especially for those who are searching for hope in life, in Jesus. Take the opportunity to study. These are short concise lessons that take you through the Bible. Well worth the time. God bless you.

 

 

 

 

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